THE BOOK OF THE RUDE

1. DO NOT cut in line (especially in front of family) while driving in a funeral procession
2. DO NOT finish a family member's half-eaten candy bar without consulting its owner because it was lying open on the counter
3. DO NOT order the grieving family to pick up ice that was dropped on the floor in the sense that they are hosts during a shiva call
4. DO NOT speak ever again if your name is Van Harris
5. DO NOT tell the grieving family to "be sure and take care of [their] mother" followed by "do I have to tell you this??!!"
6. DO NOT walk into the family's house (before the family) and proceed to devour all of the food before the rest of the guests (AND FAMILY) arrive
7. DO NOT make a mile high sandwich out of lox therefore denying anyone else the chance to consume the delicious food
8. DO NOT go to a shiva call without bringing any food for the family
9. DO NOT walk in on a discussion between family members in order notify them that some people would like coffee